as i chatted wif keney in MSN, the happy memories i once had wif him kept flashing in my mind. we used to do lotsa stupid things together. falling asleep together on the phone, sleeping together wif the webcam on. -.- and bombing one another wif lotsa MSN kisses. xXxXxXx
i alwaes blabber nonsense wheneva i am falling asleep. and he is the only one who ever heard it. juz simply bcoz, i wanna talk to him till the end of time.
Sadly, beautiful things nv last. i muz admit its my fault first. its my fault for spending more time wif my ex juz bcoz i felt guilty then. i neglected his feelings. i wonder how terribly he felt when the woman he loves so much spent time wif another guy. forget it. i've apologised, changed and explained. its still nv gonna be the same again.
regrets.
YYY
Time Heals.
1:18 AM
Thursday, June 14, 2007
my heart hurts. he actually changed his friendster password. and he deleted all the things abt him. its juz like deleting me and our memories. my heart is bleeding and i very much wanna cry. i muz admit that my tears did came.
is our love for one another really juz so shallow? does it really mean nothing to him at all? i din hear from him at all. can somebody plz giv me a wise suggestion as to what i should do? there's so many times he can come over and see me or our son. but he nv came. he'd rather go out wif hisbastard bro or other bitches. fuck. its juz like stabbing me on my heart.
all my sacrifices are down the drain. its a fact that i did sacrifice. no matter who thinks that i did not. landing myself in this situation is the last thing i'd expect. i do love my son. but the painful memories that came when i see him hurts juz so deeply. its OUR love. but now it became mine only.
who is the real pathetic one? i know that i may be rather hard to get along wif. but if he really does love me, this shouldn't be a problem. juz like how i would giv way to him. even though its juz a few times, at least i did.
i sometimes wonder why muz he keep the hatred he had on me before marriage till after marriage. Isn't after-marriage life supposed to be a whole new start? why is he still talking abt the past when i treat him like fuck then? i do admit its my fault. but aren't my sacrifices enough to cease his hatred? why hate me for one little thing when i did so many nice things for him?
i treated him like king. apart from my bad temper, i gave him everything. when he is at his worst, i was the one there for him. NOT THAT BITCH. why her? When he is penniless, down and needed help, i was the one there! when he is gaming happily, neglecting me, i was still the one who stayed up juz so that we can hav some 'couple time' together.
Shouldn't i be the one who REALLY wants to leave? Why did it become him?
Can somebody plz tell me?
YYY
Time Heals.
9:39 PM
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Somehow, i juz hav the feeling that it's really over this time. I did find chances to sms him. But he juz made me feel like im a pest. Fine. I really dunno what he is thinking. I hav totally no idea what's on his mind now, even though we've been together for 3 years. Maybe we should really divorce.
We actually discussed this issue before, and both parties agreed that its a 'sooner or later' thing. I do love him alot. And i nv regret leaving another man for him. Or rather, 2 men for him. JUST for him. However, sometimes i really wonder why am i so stupid. Both men i left for him, can actually withstand my temper and is gentle to me. But he can nv.
Do they actually love me more than him? I'm starting to wonder. That two men muz be laughing at me now. I left them and landed myself in this situation. HAHAHA. Life is really a big joke.
