Another day had past. Time seems to past very slowly when im not working. Anyway, I've decided to reject that Kids apparel job offer. Maybe getting a part-time job is more realistic.
I'm starting to hate my younger brother. His arrogant attitude is really pissing me off. One of these days, i'll make sure he cry and beg me not to hit him.
Life really sucks. My whole life is ruined. Sadly, i don't have the courage to end my life. I can't even imagine hurting myself. Maybe someone can tell me what i should do when im penniless, stucked wif a kid, and abandoned. Finally im using the 'a' word. I know he doesn't love me anymore. He shouldn't be treating me like this if he does. Honestly, i believe that he still does, deep in his heart. But his actions are really disappointing me.
[>.< My heart juz melted(11.39pm). He smsed me and apologised for losing his temper last night! >.< he really still cares?]
Honestly, i can't seem to make up my mind. Many times i told myself that i shall 'forget him from today onwards'. But i alwaes only manage to do that for a few days. Especially after going to the zoo that day, i knew its a mistake. Maybe its already a mistake right from the start. U all muz be wondering why im like so madly in love right? Actually i'm not. I juz can't let go. I'm so used to having him in my life. Honestly, i do love him alot. So much that i juz can't cheat myself.
I'm stucked.
YYY
Time Heals.
11:20 PM
Friday, June 08, 2007
Juz came back from an interview at CentrePoint. Sad to say, i got another job again! Lol. This time, i'd be promoting kids apparel. The price range are so 'oh-my-god' de expensive! This brand is more expensve than Levi's. Juz slightly below Burberry, RL and DKNY.
But the pay and working hours is very attractive. Shift 1: 9.30am-5.30pm for 4 days and Shift 2: 1.30pm-9.30pm for 2 days. Sunday off leh! $1250 basic. But can expect average of $1450 per month. Basically, im very attracted. But my cb mother giving me problems. Saying things like, if my baby cry she will juz leave him there. She is really acting like i won't give her money. She is really testing my patience. Sometimes i really wish that i can stuff her smelly mouth wif thousands of dollars.
Anyway, i've been feeling much better apart from the fact that sometimes when i close my eyes, i see the photo of that bitch. Im trying very hard. Im stucked wif a child and my family is not understanding enough. I really need somebody who can be there for me.
Hmm, i shouldn't be scolding her. Coz if my own hubby's lj not itchy, he won't contact her liao. Im so full of hatred.
Im so scared. My birthday is approaching.
YYY
Time Heals.
3:15 PM
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Its been so long since i last blogged. Firstly, thanx to my sis who spent hours helping me to 'beautify' my blog at 3am last night. She is really the 'HTML QUEEN'. -.-
I've alwaes enjoyed penning down my thoughts. But after my marriage starts failing, i occupied myself by doing things ALL the time. Yes, im avoiding. But i have to. My heart is dying.
Basically, my marriage is failing bcoz of our characters. NO 3RD PARTY IS INVOLVED. Yes, we do love one another alot. But many times, we juz simply refuse to giv in to one another.Call me over-posessive and sensitive. I'm nv unreasonable. I juz tend to care more than i should. He is my everything. I gave birth to the fruit of our love and No woman will do it easily. He saw me going through the pain. But he nv cherish me. Is it bcoz im fat? He said no. but i doubt it.
We went to the zoo yesterday. Honestly, i din expect him to ask Dev & Mike along. And he din even ask me at all. Isn't it obvious that he doesn't wanna spend time alone wif me and our son? Yes, im glad that Dev and Mike came. But shouldn't he be making use of all chances he can grab hold on to to juz spend time wif me?
At night, i checked his hp. i know i shouldn't. but i really want to know who else is he seeing when im waiting foolishly for him. Guess what i found? A pic of the girl he once loved right b4 me. HAHAHA. I smsed him. And deep in my heart, im glad that he explained. He told me that they met up in a group. But is there a need to keep her pic? He said that the reason he kept is juz so that when she calls, her face will appear.
That girl is a b!tch. She actually gave my hubby a completed jigsaw puzzle of two chipmunks when she knows of my existence as his then-gf. She totally did not respect MY existence. Another guy liked her for 4 years during secondary school and she din try hard to make him give up. And there's another guy who expressed his love for her and she din even tell him that she is attached. I know coz all these idiots are in the same group of friends.
Oh, i forgot to mention that hubby did smashed that jigsaw puzzle right in front of me when i confronted him. I REALLY HOPE SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS AND WILL SEE THIS.
Actually he also told me that even if we divorce, he will nv 'go back' to that bitch. But who knows?
Now, i juz wanna lose till my pre-pregnancy weight. I WANT TO BE MARRIED, GAVE BIRTH, AND BEAUTIFUL!!
